This article was written during the pandemic of Covid19, however could be used in context to assist you during any challenging times you may be going through.
There are many things that will get you through challenging times; these five areas are what stand out for me.
1. Mindset
2. Core Needs
3. Wellness
4. Communication
5. Structure
1. Improve Your Mindset
I put this first because you often first have to have a healthy mindset before you will take on the other things that could help you survive and thrive in these crazy times.
What will help people’s mindset – this is such a broad answer and depends on the individual’s circumstance. Some things that come to mind for me are exercise and helping others, making plans, sorting out things, talking to friends, watch a funny show/movie/video/YouTube etc., listening to positive audios or audio books/YouTube’s/podcasts etc., watching less news/social media news etc., being in nature, reading a great book, listening to your favourite music, dancing, meditating, prayer, yoga, walking your dog, creating something – whatever works for you etc.
Many people are reporting that reducing time on social media/listening and watching the news and not constantly talking about the virus with others really helps.
*Still find a way to keep informed with the latest rules and goings on though.
However, if your in a real ‘funk’ – there is something universal that can help every person out there to get out of the funk which allows you then to implement the other things mentioned above that can create positive momentum.
It is
Gratitude
It’s important to take real quiet time here to fully connect with your heart first, because when connected to your heart then gratitude comes easier.
Different ways to experience expressing and feeling gratitude are: –
• Write down what you are grateful for
• Visualise what you are grateful for
• Fill in a nightly gratitude journal
• Say out loud what you are grateful for
It’s important to realise what comes through your heart and to recognise the true priorities/values in your life. This is a great opportunity to then reflect and keep these as a high priority when moving forward.
IF you are in a deep funk perhaps you can’t even bring yourself to do any of the above.
If that is the case, I suggest you go to YouTube and search ‘gratitude’ or ‘gratitude exercise’ or try this one that I love by Tony Robbins, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-1mxzHlEKI
Sit somewhere quiet and listen and implement and let gratitude do it’s magic.
If it only helps a little, do it again later or the next day. Or maybe read a great book or watch a funny movie or get a job done or help someone etc. and get your mind off things for a while and then try again.
Another thing that can help you is to do nightly gratitude before you go to sleep – see tip sheet here: – https://tinyurl.com/NightlyGratitudeTipSheet
And/or watch this Ted Talk or mentioned earlier Google gratitude and see what stands out to you to watch or listen to.
Once you are in a better space another thing that could be helpful in these challenging times is to decide or look deeper at or learn more about is what sort of mindset will you choose: –
According to Carol Dweck, a researcher and Professor of Psychology at Stanford University and author of the book ‘Mindset’, there are two types of mindsets that people can have: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset.
A Fixed Mindset is one where you believe you have certain fixed qualities, traits and intelligence and so therefore think you cannot change.
Where as
A Growth Mindset is having a belief that our qualities, traits and intelligence can be improved and changed. With this mindset you would be more willing to put in effort and time to improve your situation.
A growth mindset is one where you may ask yourself ‘What could I learn from this?’ How can I make the best of this situation?
For many people in times of challenge another thing that can help is – Mindfulness – it can be a really simple yet powerful strategy that has been found to have positive psychological outcomes in many studies.
Mindfulness can include specific practice i.e. completing a 5 minute mindfulness exercise from YouTube, or it can be incidental practice i.e. catching yourself getting caught up in worried thoughts and learning to observe these thoughts, accept and allow them to exist without getting caught up in them.
Considering the amount of anxiety some people are experiencing in these current times mindfulness, is a great strategy that helps us to stay in the present moment, cultivate gratitude and not get caught up in racing thoughts.
Google mindfulness and see what you are drawn to or get an audio book or read a book, or do an online course or explore the apps. – there is plenty of information out there. Here is an example of body scan mindfulness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iDKF-TrAfE
2. Meet Your Core Needs In a Resourceful Way
Did you know that no matter who you are or where you come from we all require 6 core needs to be met?
Meeting core needs are not a want or a nice to have they are an absolute need for everyone. It’s not a matter of if they will be met but how, as humans we will either meet our core needs in a way that is bad/unhelpful for us or meet them in a way that is good/helpful for us.
*Many leaders speak about core needs in depth, for a really great explanation, I recommend you read the book ‘Elegantly Simple Solutions To Complex People Problems’ by a wonderful Australia coach Jaemin Frazer – available here. https://jaeminfrazer.com/merch/elegantly-simple-solutions-to-complex-people-problems
What are our top six core needs: –
1. Certainty – which gives us a feeling of control and security, a feeling of being safe or having freedom of choice.
2. Variety – which gives us newness, adventure and prevents boredom
3. Significance – which makes us feel important, valued and worthy etc.
4. Love/Connection – gives us a sense of being loved/connected/belonging etc.
5. Contribution – makes us feel we add value and that we are giving back or a sense of legacy
6. Growth – allows us to feel we are improving and achieving
So I’d imagine with what is happening in the world today for many of us the normal way we met our core needs has been pulled out from under us.
We definitely have lost a lot of certainty, had variety reduced, we may get significance, contribution and growth through our job/business/community group etc. All of a sudden some of that perhaps has been taken from us or changed drastically and perhaps all the worry about loved ones and/or financial stress and being isolated and rights restricted and couped up with family members for too long may have an effect on our relationships and love and connection.
I’ve added some examples of how we could possibly meet our core values in a different way in a table I have created, however because certainty is such a huge one, I’ve added more ways you can meet the need for certainty here.
Things you could focus on that you could be certain about such as – this will end and when it does there will be some good things that come out of this, renewed appreciation for farmers, more vegetable patches, new relationships and more connection with neighbours and the community especially the aged, more empathy, less pollution etc.
Look for some hidden upsides like increased creativity and innovation, a heightened appreciation of what’s important, a deepened relationship with our families, learning new things, etc. etc.
Maybe right now at the time of writing this article you may not be certain how the government is looking after everyone or what the agendas are. However, I believe (especially if you are in Australia) that you will be looked after if not by the government, by friends or family or even by community members who are about to become life long friends.
This means that for some, you will have to reach out and ask for help, do that, this is not a time for pride or worrying about what others think of you. We are all in this together and we will help each any way we can.
To survive and thrive it helps to focus on what we do have and what we can do instead of what we can’t have and do. Yes some freedom and choices have been taken away from us but look at what we do have choices over and how can we make those good choices etc.
I created a table for those that are willing to look at and fill in to make it easier to keep on track with meeting your needs in a resourceful way. See the table, print it out if you wish and fill it out to suit. Or Draw up your own and fill in. Core Needs Table Link Here:
https://tinyurl.com/CoreNeedsTable2
Another thing you might like to do is for things that you want to do but can’t right at this moment due to restrictions etc. write them down on a piece of paper and put them in a jar or envelope. Especially things like visiting and hugging family and friends or sharing a meal/nature/hobby/quality time with family/friends/community etc.
*When this is all over you can enjoy looking through and actualising or pull out one at a time and implement accordingly.
3. Improve Wellness
Healthy Eating
I’m not a nutritionist, my view only (do your own due diligence) If possible eat: –
• As many whole foods as you can
• Reduce sugar
• Grow your own vegetables if in the right part of the world or buy organic where possible.
• Safely swap home grown food or excess food etc. (Where allowed)
• Google and do some research as to how you can eat as healthy as possible with what you have access to.
Again, do your own research. What I’m hearing a lot about is for flu season, vitamin c and vitamin d being highly important.
It’s my understanding however that a deficiency in magnesium may reduce your ability to convert vitamin D from sun exposure.
All vitamins and minerals are important and it’s best to get these via organic whole foods, if not possible google and do your own research as to what supplements may be of benefit to you.
Exercise
No excuses now as you have the time – however, things to consider are: –
• What is suitable for you? Always best to check with a health professional.
• Don’t think about what you equipment etc you don’t have, use what you do have.
• There are plenty of online ideas and free training courses on line and on you tube etc. or perhaps your normal trainer or gym is offering online programs.
• Don’t do too much too quick and plan to fail, plan to win – instead of aiming for long workouts 7 days a week, start with a short amount of time for few days and build up. Once built up you still may like to have some days off, not 7 days a week.
• Make if fun, play your favourite music, do it with others in your household, take walks/exercise in different areas (if allowed) mix it up so it’s not boring.
• Have a routine, certain time on certain days (e.g. first thing in the morning)
• Get dressed first thing in the morning in your exercise gear, that way you’re more likely to do it.
• Make yourself accountable to someone – e.g. share your exercise goals in a measurable way. E.g. Not – exercise each week (which is not measurable), maybe to begin with it’s – exercise for 30 minutes 3 times a week for example.
• Give yourself a reward after exercise or at the end of the week if you fulfil your exercise goals.
• Be aware that exercising makes you hungry so have some healthy food ready and waiting for after.
Other things apart from good food and exercise that will keep you well and healthy:-
• Mindset (see other area)
• Good sleep
• Sunshine
• Good water
• Supplements that are right for you
• Health products that suit you such as salt therapy products and diffusers and oils and the like
• Yoga/Stretching etc.
• Meditation/Prayer etc.
• Other things that you think of that benefit you.
4. Improve Communication
When thinking about improving communication, here are some things to consider: –
With partners (If you have children do this first so you are united/on the same page BEFORE going into the family meeting)
Beforehand, some good questions to ask yourself and think about: –
1. Is connecting a priority to me?
2. Can I keep my attention on what is presently happening in this moment and not argue or bring up other issues.
3. Am I in a curious place? E.g. Am I curious as to what is going on for my partner or family?
Then when ready and willing to connect, ask each other what they need and what’s important to them during these times. Take turns in sharing your needs and don’t interrupt each other, really listen and ask questions like – why is that important to you? Find the need behind the want.
If it’s not possible for the exact ‘want’ to be met, see if there is another way of meeting their actual need (What is really behind the want and really explore how could that be met).
Consider using this unusual time to enhance your communication skills by studying and implementing something like: –
https://cnvc.org/learn-nvc/what-is-nvc
or reading books on communications from here:-
https://cnvc-bookstore.myshopify.com/collectionssuch
Or read/listen to books such as ‘The Five Love Languages’ or ‘His Needs Her Needs’ – both authored by Gary Chapman or ask friends or colleagues you respect what has helped them with their communication and relationships.
Or Google ‘effective communication resources’ or something like that and see what appeals to you. There is something out there for everyone, depending on where you are at.
Family Meeting With Children
Ask each other what they need and what’s important to them during the restricted or lockdown time. Take turns in sharing your needs and don’t interrupt each other, share why it’s important to you.
If it’s not possible for the exact ‘want’ to be met, see if there is another way of meeting their actual ‘need’. (What is really behind the want and really explore how could that be met).
Other Ideas and resources re children: –
• Google and see what ideas you come up with – here are some I found: –
• https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-how-to-help-children-through-isolation-and-lockdown-133990
• https://www.positiveparenting.com
(This site allows you to type in your issue and up pops an article (backed by physcologists) brilliant resources for the very young child to teenagers.
• For younger children consider putting good structure and rewards in place or a star chart or other on the fridge, some ideas only are: –
https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/encouraging-good-behaviour/reward-charts
or
https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-create-a-behavior-chart-1094765
With those outside your home, some communication ideas: –
• Phone calls and/or 3 way calls
• Facebook messaging and group Facebook chats
• Texting and sending funny things
• Try face timing and the like
• Zoom videoing or Skype
• For grandparents/absent parents/Aunty or Uncles etc. perhaps buy the child’s favourite book or two of the same book and send them one. Then you can read together over face time or zoom etc. or even just over the phone.
• Email
• Send videos or photos
• Send letters, cards or hand drawn pictures.
• Play musical instrument over the phone etc.
• Sing a song together
• Write them a story
5. Increase Structure and Clarity
This again will be totally different depending on the individual and who you are living with and what work load and pressures you have on you and where you live and what the restrictions are and so on and so on.
Keep in mind not to push yourself too much; this is also a time for reflection. Be kind to yourself and others and seek help when needed, we are all in this together.
*For other ideas on structure, again, try Google or facebook etc., many people have amazing ideas on different structures and routines they are setting up during lockdown/working from home/home schooling etc., choose one that suits you.
However, here are a few ideas that may help: –
• Go to bed and get up at normal times during the week days
• Work out some structure that suits the whole household
• Allow for downtime and head funk times during these unusual times where things are changing sometimes daily.
• Work on a project or something fun as a group and individually
• Include fun things and set up the environment to win
• Remember to also allow space for quiet time to reflect and don’t over schedule
• I myself have found I am on the phone a lot more, catching up or supporting others. I have earphones and now I’ve made it a habit to do jobs around the house whilst I chat.
• Love and accept yourself as you are right now and give yourself a break if you don’t keep to the structure.
For children also consider: –
• As per communication area: –
• Rewards/Star charts etc. to increase success rate.
• The need to be very flexible with the structure where needed.
Things to do: –
Again with the Internet there is so much you could do and learn online from languages to playing a musical instrument to drawing/painting, creating and fixing things to skills in personal development or business etc. It’s absolutely endless.
Here is another list I found that also maybe helpful: –
https://www.therapyinbarcelona.com/ideas-for-staying-sane-in-coronavirus-lockdown
Clarity
As mentioned in the section on core values, certainty is an important need and this is where structure and clarity can come into play.
A good way to create action steps and plans is to ask good quality questions. Questions such as: –
With what I have access to now, what can I be doing that serves myself and others in a way that is a win win?
You may automatically come up with all the things you can’t do but keep persevering because the mind is a very creative thing, keep asking the question and you will find the answers and direction and from there you can make a plan.
It’s not to say that down the track the plan may have to change, accept that’s OK too, ask the question again at that time if that is the case.
Out of challenging times comes innovation and new learnings and appreciations, it’s up to you if you take advantage of this time to find the gifts and take the appropriate action.
Remember to be kind to yourself, allow time for reflection and accept help and help others, we are all in this together.
If you liked this article and you are a business owner you may enjoy this article also by Linda McMahon ‘When The Green Light Is Turned On – Business Owners Are You Ready?’ – Link Here:-https://tinyurl.com/BusinessOwnersAreYouReady